


The Monkey On You're Back Is Me

by MidnightVigil



Category: Marvel
Genre: Drabble, Handcuffs, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 12:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2427998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightVigil/pseuds/MidnightVigil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool and Spidey get handcuffed together. I've no idea why I wrote this. My sister and I had a deal that we both write whatever the other asks, and then this sort of just happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Monkey On You're Back Is Me

The Monkey On You’re Back is Me

(Cuffed Together Fic)

      “Hey! Easy on my face! It’s my meal ticket!” Deadpool quips to the officer currently shoving him against his police cruiser.

      “Deadpool, I’ve seen your face. I’d make my Aunt May swear like a sailor.” Spiderman retortes from his mirrored position to Wade. “How did I even get mixed up in this mess? And with YOU no less.”

       “You don’t remember? Fret not, the author of this story will recap and you and the reader will be all caught up!”

       There’s a pause, “Uh, What?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Weeks Earlier

        “The answer is no Wade.” Spiderman says with finalization, hoping this insane conversation with the mouthy mercenary will end soon.

        “But I don’t have anywhere else to go! And it’s not like I have a lot of furniture!” Deadpool pleads as he follows across the rooftops.

          _Well, there is the love sack. But who doesn’t love a love sack! How else would it get it’s name!_ the yellow box chimes in.

         “Wade, I’m serious. You can’t move in with me.” Spiderman tries to hop from building to building faster in the hopes of losing him.

         “It’s not moving in! It’s lying low! Who would look for me at Peter Parker’s place! He’s a total dweeb!” Deadpool only matches Spiderman’s speed.

          _Can you imagine what that would do to our reputation?!_

         At this point we could start making things up and people would still believe it. Is that infamy or widely accepted insanity?  The white box supplies.

         Spiderman stops and turns to look at Deadpool, “Did you just call me a dweeb?”

         Deadpool grins, “Of course not! I said Peter Parker was a dweeb.”

         He’s at a loss for words, “Dammit. How do I reply to that?”

         “So can I move in with you?” Deadpool asks hopefully.

        _Is this the point where he admits we’re better at one-liners and falls into our arms in appreciation of our genius?_

 He does in most slash fics. Maybe our author is slightly more realistic?

          Spiderman groans in defeat and slumps his shoulders, “Fine, but it’s only for one week and so long as no one sees us together. Ever.”

          “And the fangirls go wild! It’s the perfect start to a rom-com!” Deadpool cheers.

          “Oh god, what have I done?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And what happened next was, I stayed for longer than agreed because you secretly love spending time with me and I followed you to this bank heist because I was bored and the we got caught by the police who assumed you and I are in cahoots and decided to rob this bank together so they are now taking us to jail!” Deadpool finishes the recap with excitement.

Spiderman just looks at him with one eyebrow raised, maybe he has been spending too much time with the merc because that totally made sense to him.

“So, ready for the daring escape that leads to us becoming closer friends?” Deadpool rushes out in one breath. Then, before Spiderman has a chance to ask, Deadpool throws his weight behind him and body checks the officer behind him. The officer crashes to the ground, Deadpool grabs Spiderman’s hand that’s cuffed to his and takes off running.

“Deadpool! What the hell are you doing?” Spiderman stops suddenly, yanking his hand away from Deadpool, which only serves to pull the merc back colliding into the hero. They topple over onto the street.

“Oh Spidey! If you really wanted me on top of you all you had to do was ask. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather be wooed with flowers and chocolate, a girl’s gotta have standards. I’m really just a romantic at heart.”

_ Substitutes can be made for tacos and guns! _

The quickest way to someone’s heart is with a bullet.   


“Wade!” Spiderman pushes at the broader chest and wiggles out from under the man, as far as the cuffs will allow. Suddenly reminded that he’s glad he has a mask, hiding his blush from the merc.

“We kind of have to run in the same direction for this to work. Come on, we can totally do it. I saw it on my favorite tv show!” Deadpool starts to pull at the cuffs again.

“Deadpool, no. We’re letting them take us in. We’ll just explain what happened and they’ll let us find the real robbers.” Spidey says as he stands unmoving.

“That may work for the friendly neighborhood Spiderman, but this merc with a mouth will get thrown directly in jail. I may have friends in the clink but I’ll be definitely pulling you down with me, Spidey. And most of my friends were put there by you.”

_ That’s gotta say something about our relationship. _

All’s fair in love and revenge?   


Spiderman thinks it over then finally nods, “Okay, but we’re going to find the actual robbers and turn them in. I can handle being a vigilante, I don’t want them thinking I’m a bad guy. Again.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Much Later In The Evening

        They tumble into Peter’s apartment, just lying on the floor in a heap for a couple minutes before Peter scrambles to sit up and pull his mask off.

        “I’m going to pass out. Pulling you all over New York is exhausting.”

        Wade doesn’t move, simply mumbles from where his face is squished to the floor, “But we got the bad guys, so… yay, go team Spidey-pool!” His fist weakly pumps the air before falling back to the floor with a thud.

        “Aw, you put my name first. I’m touched.” Peter ignores the part where he goes along with being on a team with Wade.

        Deadpool stirs then. Sitting up next to Peter, letting their shoulders brush as he gets comfortable.

        “Well, not my decision. It’s kind of cannon already.” Wade shrugs.

        Peter just chuckles softly, he never knows what he’s saying. He guesses he’s okay with that now.

        Deadpool tilts his head at Peter, looking at him quietly.

        “What?” Peter breaks the silence.

        Wade shakes his and moves to get up, “Nothing, nevermind. We should probably try and get our hands back.”

        Peter grabs the hand cuffed to his, “Or not. They haven’t fulfilled all the requirements yet.”

        Deadpool sits back down, his body tilted more towards Peter. “And what have they yet to accomplish?”

        “Well,” Peter starts, lacing his fingers with Deadpool’s as his other hand slides up to the seem of Wade’s mask. “Doesn’t every rom-com end with the protagonists finally realizing their feelings for eachother?”

Wade grins, “Oh gosh! I feel like I’m in a Nicholas Sparks book!”

_ Except the cancer has already spread to our whole body. _

        Congrats regenerative healing for not being a huge cock block!   


        Peter smiles back, “So, does that mean we can kiss now?”

        Wade stops smiling and grabs Peter’s hand where it’s pulling at his mask, “Wait.”

        Peter’s smile changes to a confused look, “What’s wrong?”

        Wade looks away, “This afternoon, when we were being arrested. You said… you think I’m gross don’t you?”

        Peter remembers what he said, every word. “Oh, Wade. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Honestly. I was just mad that we were being arrested and I took it out on you. I don’t think you’re gross. I like everything about you. Even if you drive me crazy sometimes. I hate to admit, but you’re totally better and one-liners than me.”

       _ Yes! The fangirl that is our author has not let us down! _

        Sometimes I think they just can’t help themselves. Oh well. Bring on the sexy times!

Wade chuckled, “Oh yeah, I’m totally going to make this happen!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….............................................................................................................

 

“WADE! WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ OFF YOUR LAPTOP!”

 

It was Wade’s fanfic the whole time  ;)


End file.
